theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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