I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Found your dick twin last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
