Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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