This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
