you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
