coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
