Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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