That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
