You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
