Don't you send me to vm
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
