Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize