so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
