Can i not drive my cunt home
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
