Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Damn victory sex feels great
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize