I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When are your genitals available?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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