you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
