And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
