If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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