I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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