I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
