The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How does one acquire holy water?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
