that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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