So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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