I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
