She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
