Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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