I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
