I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
