Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
