I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
