when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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