I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
