I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize