She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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