Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
