yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
