Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was like his penis was on wheels.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
