we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
