i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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