One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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