my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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