I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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