Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
