you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My life is pants optional.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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