I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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