anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize