just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
