you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
