I'm really into asian looking animals
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
