I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
