Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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