you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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