new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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