If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
