I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
