My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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