matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
