This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
