I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize