i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
