Are we in a gay sports bar?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
