it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
