New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
