using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
