i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
