How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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